Last Stop

My sheets are covered with red pieces of hair.
The blonde that once mixed in
Isn't there anymore.

We will be apart soon.
Will you smile when you think of me?
When the moon is full,
Will you wish me good luck?

Soon I'll be on a bus ride home.
Everything will go back as before.
The people, the places, the roads, the shinning sun
Will be the same.
It'll feel like a dream.
Was it true or just a false reality?

Those memories you once were in
Are captured inside a glass building.
The doors are currently sealed.
I pull a chair and a table and place them in front of that tall building.
I have the time to sit and watch:
Our first hello, kiss, argument, and our empty room.
Are you sitting on the other side and watching too?

The building turns to April then May.
That night i last spoke to you.
Was it you?
I don't know or recognize your voice.

Soon I'll be in an empty bus home.
This glass building is waiting to be destroyed.
As I walk through these roads
I look up to the clear sky.
That shinning moon we once saw is back.
Do you see your shadow or mine?

Even if I am away or far away.
I'll sit outside that building.
When the time comes,
I'll protect it from millions of storms.
I won't let it crumble or break.

Months will pass by,
I'll get old, sick, and turn back to life.

I am inside that bus,
Looking at this starry night.
Those read lights we used to watch,
Slowly began to disappear.

As the bus approaches my last station.
I'll think back to that night and wonder.
Why didn't you smile?
Did you sleep well?
Could I ask one last question?

The bus has stopped.
That tsunami is approaching.
As the door opens I hold onto my bags,
Look into the outside.
Empty streets,
White lights,
And no shadows.

"Why didn't you say 'good-bye'?"

Switch

CYBARUX - Cut Your Betrayal And Remember Until X

Triumph over Loss

I remember those nights I always cried because I wanted to be a better person, have a better future and someone I could love.
It was an amazing feeling of unhappiness.
But life makes it's own changes.
Some of the time we may not even realize it. And mostly we never do, someone has to tell us.

Metal Icarus

Ice with freezing temperatures. Snow with ice on top. Cars crashing. Coldness.

Hmmm... What a day.

Awaited

I haven't written anything in blogspot lately... I apologize.

I currently have a new neighbors that are pissing me off.

Moon Soon

Close your eyes.
They are.

Silky keys touching and pressing, creating words from nowhere within.
Period. I look away, into another street to see...
Her eyes probably staring at me, looking and thinking:
Your eyes, So realistically insane.

Chin

Sleep Party People - Chin
A song that used to swept my soul as if it were a tsunami hitting land. This simple song used to take me from a state of happiness to a state of depression and guilt.
How can one song do all that in a matter of seconds?
The day I took the bus to Binghamton to finally stay for my first semester I listened to this song repeatedly, and I cried for hours alone in a bus.

My Mirror

infected surroundings touch my clothed skin.

Push away every single lie that comes out of your mouth.

Disturbed, Your appearance isn't welcomed.

How fucked up your head is, that evilness in your eyes.

Pure bastard like child. 

Your head knows it all, and I battle the shadow I walk upon.

Read between my eyes, your eyes won't show up on mine.

You have traveled far away, took a vacation for a day.

Feel that good feeling lingering your fake smile.

Reach deep into your fears,

Shake them until you can't find them anymore.

I am looking at myself,

The asshole that can walk,

Fly, and sing you lullabies.

My Voice

Is lacking everything I can think of, the day is sunny but so cloudy in my eyes. How did I ended up this way? I've become weaker and tired, I rarely think about my dreams and wishes, I've become a robot.
Why? Why do I only think of a past that's already finished. A dream that can't come back to life?
Everyday I wonder: How do I satisfy everyone's expectations of me? How do I help everyone with everything? How do I become a better daughter? What do I do to have a better face, hair, and body? How much should I eat a meal? How much should I workout? How long do I stay here, how long do I leave? How much should I do? Should I even do it? WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?
I'm tired, exhausted, my brain doesn't stop thinking of all the things I'm not doing, I'm suffocated, I don't feel like nothing because I can't feel enough of a human being.
Why? Why? What am I supposed to do? I don't want this, I don't want that either I just want to be appreciated and less judged, I just want to live without feeling the guilt of living.
And then we come to the realization that this is only momentarily, the moment where people live can go by so fast. I have this fear of losing the most important people in my life. It's such a strong fear that sometimes I don't want to be away from anyone at any given time.
You know mom, I wish I could give you everything, I wish I could publish your music so you can do live shows like you used to, I know how much your music means to you and I wish I could make all your dreams come true.
I also wish your arm wouldn't hurt, I wish you could feel no pain, I wish I could do anything for you but in order for that to happen I need to stop wishing. I wish I could listen to your signing without crying, but I can't help it, you sing so beautiful.
You know, I want to make you proud, I just don't know how because you're always proud of me.To the ones close to me, I wish I knew what I do wrong so that you could like me more, I feel like I'm always doing something bad, something that bothers you so I stay quiet about most things.
If only I knew what to do, is it getting a job? Getting an education? Moving on?
I do everything I'm capable of, even reaping a dead chicken apart for you, even if it hurts me deep inside, but I still do it because I want you to be happy. I know you work hard, I know your life is stressful. And personally, I try my best so it's better for you, but I feel like I fuck up so much even when I try to minimize my existence so my presence isn't as noticeable as when I'm away. Sadly, I'm still here, wondering what I can do for you, so you can like me more.
I'm tired of watching so many inspirational videos of successful people. Success, life stories of people who achieved so many things and had so many hardships. Will I ever even become successful at something?
How can I become successful when all I think of is fulfilling everyone's wishes of me?
There's a cup of coffee, and there's another one.
They're both coffee but one tastes sweeter and one tastes darker.
They're black, aromatic, warm.
Sadly, one makes you smile and one makes you gag.
One needs sugar, one doesn't.
One is good, one is bad...