Paradise is only found when you deeply understand the meaning of breathing, loving, and dying.
There's a reason why things are the way the are.
You cannot see stars during daytime because they don't look beautiful, you can't even notice them!
You can't go out when it rains, what for? It's not like there will be a parade.
The best time to wake up is at 6 or 7 am, because you get to experience the sunset.
The worst time to see a show is when you arrive late.
Best place to put your bed? Near the window, so you can see the beauty of this world.
The right time to kiss the girl you are dating? When your heart tells you to.
When the wind is strong you'll feel like it's raping your body, touching your breast and legs, you'll feel it.
If you get horny, watch a movie, go to your lover, rent one, or masturbate.
When you feel like scratching your back use a water bottle, if you protect the environment then use a tree.
if you enjoy drinking alcoholic beverages you should learn to bartender.
If you like online games the best advice i can give you is to NEVER ignore your girlfriend *ehem*.
If you enjoy reading you've probably have read at least 1 harry potter book, or maybe not!
There are many strong reasons why humans behave the way they do.
Some people believe it's because of their parents, some say is because of their education, some others say it's their personality.
But if you think about it most of us act the way any other animal would.
We cough, they cough, we blink, they blink, we fart and they fart.
We are so alike and yet so different than them.
You know what's the best thing of it all?
You get to sit on your bed, contemplate the beautiful sunlight, watch the leafs fly around, listen to some Moby, and write about something completely pointless.
That's who we are, that's what we do.
We end our lives with stupid propositions and instantly change our thoughts.
We end our sentences just like everybody else does.<---- with a point.
We use intelligent grammar so others know we are smart.<--- like that makes any difference.
We rather not use fucking disgusting words like these i'm fucking saying because it make us sound like motherfucking bitches and unprofessional motherfuckers.
Even the president says "Crap" or "fuck" all the time.<---- when he's having sex.
So, it's alright to say bad words when you have sex? But it's wrong to say them when you have an intelligent conversation.
Fuck You.
I have some to say.... Women who never say bad words then one day out of nowhere they say "Fuck you" it sounds very erotic and sexy.
Mucinex is disgusting.

Time will change...

I left my country Venezuela when I was 8 years old.
Scaped from something unknown, something I didn't know what it was.
My dog, was the one I missed the most, Sebastian.
I couldn't forget about him, I couldn't forget about how many times I ignored him.
But whenever he saw me, he would always get happy to see me... But I was not... I left you.
He is probably dead now, and I was never there to see you go, to say "Good bye".
But now, I do... My dear friend, Good Bye. I hope you can remember me when I die, and go to see me. I dearly love you, con el corazon en la punta de mi alma, te lo digo sinceramente, cuanto te amo ahora y siempre. Pero corre, corre hasta que puedas ver las grandes montanas llenas de amor y felizidad, corre sebas, corre!

Still, the deepness of my pain is not yet defined.
I came to America not knowing who I was, or what I was looking for.
But if i knew, i would have stayed, i would have rejected this trip.
Now i face the consequences of what my family did to "help" me.
I'm illegal, i don't know what to do, as soon as i ended high school... I felt that my life ended with it.
Now, i'm one of the thousands of indocumented people in America.
My chances for me to be legalized are low, so i decided to leave America.
Move to Taiwan and go to a decent university, live witht he woman i love... But, will I be accepted there? Or will my suffering continue?
while my friends are succesfully going to college, i'm here stuck, trying to find out what to do with my life.
I want to leave America... Why? Because this is my home, i love my home too much i need to let it go.
I want to see life, I want to see happy faces, I want to see you.
Because at the end, we all come together.
And come apart...

Overview

My life is changing in an incredible speed.
It's as if I was watching a movie that lasted 1 hour 15 min.
But, the movie is fake, I am real.
At least I believe I am.

I have been watching conflicts that are born in 1 country, then another and another.
My wife is Taiwanese, she's 29, majored in English, and currently living the life of a successful woman.
I am Venezuelan, 18, just graduated from High School, and currently applying for college somewhere in this world.

Taiwan and Venezuela have a political dispute.
My wife's country and my country don't get along.
But we are in love, even if our countries don't like each other, hahaha, how ironic.

Currently, I have lost my strenght, i can feel I have become weaker psysically, not mentally.
But, I think there's always a reason for people's tiredness.

Brake.

From living reality
Brake
When your body feels functions
that means you're living a lie.
----------------------------

My body is hurt...
I'm hurt like you... Matame!

Life gets with you...
The light in your face
is still shinning.
Don't let it go
Stay...

Cry with my soul, with my deepness
please just let it be.
Matame ahora, or i will kill you.
I am your, you are me, we are one.
Bring peace.

(June 16th, 2004)

Roses' : Flower's Return

(Wrote this when I was 15)
Roses that cry cause happiness .
- Because we feel that...
Roses that smile cause unhappiness.
- Because we feel that...

While you walk spirits salute you
When you cry they walk besides you
In this rose Route I am alone
- Because I feel that way...
Flowers please return
- Because I feel that way...

Small little shadow, Am I beautiful?
- Because I ask you to...
Small little tree, am I strong?
My love, please smile to me
My small rose seduce me
- Because I tell you to...

Run with me little shadow, the night is ours
When the sun comes out, they will kill you
- Because we feel that way...
They kill what's beautiful, they are weak, they are scared...

Unlike us little shadow.
- Because we won't return, my little flower.
I will take you
To hell, because you are
just too beautiful.

Another..

A song I wrote when i was 15.

I am still here, drinking my life, please save me.
Please take me from this hurricane.
Is this what I see? Dogs barking at me? People talking
What am I doing in here?

In my nightmare, I can only see shadows
passing, crying through my skinless body.
Roses are falling from their eyes.
With the desire to kill me now!

Spirits break through the night
The sun will melt, and your feelings will die.
The water she drinks from will become nothing.
Those petals I carried, and you lips will surrender to me.

The end for you is near.
My hands will make you dissapear
Leave this eternal hell just go... go.

A place to go

I created this writing when I was 12, I don't remember if it was a song... or a poem, or just a thought.
(It was originally written in Spanish.)

It sounds as if I was talking to someone
and I find people who knows who
I am and know that I love you
For everything that you know what it is.

And you never have time for
someone who has problems you run
the whole way without having a place to go.

And I listen, and then I try but
I never find one reason, and if you love
me, i will go in a spider-web.
If you show me the whole time
lights, and people in every street-end I
could love you with or without the problems
I never had.
Gigantic circles in the cementeries that i will get to know
and you'll show yourself to send.

If I went by the sky and you saw
you were a woman only one, only,
it was in a sky it was a woman
it was a woman, it was a woman.

where do i go.
And I listen, and I try but I never find one reason
and if you love me, Even to a spider-web I will go.

Us

The day was, yes it was, egocentric day, full of lifeless excuses.
The week coming up you might stay, you might as well leave, I don't want you to.
Tremendous forces of feelings, testimonials, electric mirrors passed by society.
You, are who you are, I want to be you.

Light, you gave me faith, but then you brought my irrational soul, my innocent heart down into hatred.
The love we all felt was gone by the morning.
The love we never felt made us agonize into our sub real death.
Breathe next to, yeah, me, you.
I will show you what my rotund eyes can see.
The morality of your soul, the brightness of your eyes, it's god-like to me.
I cannot intimidate your eyes, they seem god-like to humanity, to me.

You, me, I she, you, her, I, it's all one, you and me, we.

Graduation

Dear Self:
I have been wondering, how does it feel to finish one part of your life? Do you feel happy? confused? Irritated?
As a part of you, i think i understand the way your body feels. The way you will change in the future. Will things get better? Will you become a boring adult?

It's strange to think about it. Whenever i go out to New York City and watch people walk, i mostly see men in suits, women with high heels and working outfits. I feel as if everything we do ends in College.
I'm one step closer to becoming the person i don't want to be. My soul feels restless, my heart feels young. I want to scream! Make time stop! Go back in the future and become a child once more!
I want to sing.
I want to walk for days and days, see the sun come and go.
I want to drive to each and every country.
I want to navigate in a boat.
I want to see a shark.
There are so many things people wish they could do.
But, can we see and do everything we dream?
I think not.
But I know something for sure.
I will feel I can do anything, if i'm next to you.
Let me be with you, united i feel we can do anything.
I feel we can overcome anything difficult.
Enjoy life to the fullest, laugh about everything.
Survive punishments and death.
I feel alive.
Let's be together.

La reconstruccion.

Creer en un humano es como creer en una maquina, un robot, una bestia.
Puedo sentir como las cosas pasan a mi lado, como si no existiera, como si fuera un espiritu andante.
Cuando yo pienso en irme a otro lugar, dejar el hogar que mas anoro, me da una felicidad increible.
Pero cuando estoy apunto de hacerlo, apunto de tomar ese paso que cambiara toda mi vida, me dan ganas de ir hacia atras.
Sin ver al pasado, sin pensar en el, aun puedo verme ir. Mi subconciente sabe que yo sufro. Y gracias a ese sentimiento, nuestro cerebro nos hace recordar a un pasado que fue borrado.
La bestialidad a la que navego dia tras dia es mas inofortuna, asi pienso yo.
"Mira el camino que caminas en este instante. Ahora, voltea a la derecha y trata de seguir este nuevo camino."
Podria hacerlo? Dejar todo mi mundo, mi familia, mi hogar, para irme a un mundo totalmente diferente.
Un mundo donde podre, o no podre vivir en seguridad. Un mundo donde tengo que empezar mi vida de 0.
Mi esposa, he echo tantas cosas que pense nunca lograr gracias a ti.
Por ti he crecido de una manera que yo hasta aun no lo creo.
Me has dado fuerzas para hasta poder irme a citios lejos, raros, tenebrosos.
Ahora este es un nuevo destino, y se que tu estas ahi.
Ayudame abuela, ayudame a lograr este gran paso que tomare.
Ayudame a sobrevivir en un mundo que nisiquiera conosco.
Ayudame....

Re:treraticione ep.2

"Lisa, Lisa, Lisa... What do you feel when I say your name?"
"There's simply no feelings, my given name has always been strange to me, I've always felt empty , like it's not even mine to begin with doctor."
The doctor stood up from her silver colored chair and walked over to her squared window. Her American complexion was beautiful. Her green eyes were mind-reading, and her natural face was stunning.
"Come here L. I want you to tell me what you see..." Said the doctor.
A younger woman stood up from the chair at the other side of the blue colored room. Her short red hair, her strange face made it almost impossible to know where she was originally from, and her black eyes were profound even though what she wore was a complete wreck.
"I see cars, pollution, children, lovers, men, dogs..." L said leaning agaisnt the window contemplating the day. It was very foggy, and the summer vapor made it impossible to walk outside.
"Forget about that" Said the doctor touching L's hand." Why don't you see me instead?"
L's body suddenly got an exciment between her legs, without knowing what to do, she grabbed the doctor's hand and pushed it away.
"You're my doctor, and i'm only 18. Do you really want to break off our trust just like that?" L said friendly looking at her doctor's eyes.
"Yes, I want to."
"Alright then, get naked. I'll close the door."

Re:treraticione

Stressful remarks contemplate her naked body as she goes up the stairs to the second floor of her small apartment. Her painful looking eyes were swelling with feelings of solitude. Her pale skin was tired and full of pain. Her thoughts were simple, she just wanted love, she just wanted freedom and peace of mind.
She felt that she was being forgotten by the closed people that knew her, and her biggest secret: "Her love life." Only few of those people close to her knew her that well. Those eyes of wisdom and experience were only a cover to a lonely soul yearning for real affection. She faked her smile, she faked her life, and she faked herself.
What else was there to fake? The truth of it all, was that this soul was just another person who was not "perfect".

Rebirth

My science teacher told me last year something that inspired me in many ways.
He married the woman he loves maybe 20 years ago or more, they fell in love when he was 18 years old.
So i asked him...
"How could you stay with one person for too long? Didn't you felt like dating other women? Isn't it hard?"
He looked at me, and replied:
"Do I have to? If you love someone why do you have to leave them?"

When he said that, I decided to make my next relationship the purest and happiest I wil ever have, and the last relationship of course.
Why do we need to fall in love with multiple people?
Is there really a need to change?
If you want someone so badly, why is it that we search for something else?"

With both of my hands just washed with soap and water.
I touched your cheeks with my left hand, then I came closer to you,
i felt your nose, your face, then I kissed your lips.

Once again, I repeated the same steps, and i kissed you better,
and better... your eyes closed, and your hands laying on my bed...
I gave you my heart. I gave you my soul.

I am your third, the one who will love you, protect you, and marry you.
I cannot wait to hold you.
I cannot wait to hold your hand whenever we leave home.
I cannot wait to sit next to you in the train, take care of you while you sleep on your way back.

I cannot wait...
I cannot wait.....

She is...

What I need to put a stop sometimes because i could probably die.
What I wish I could hold everynight instead of my cover.s
What I wish I could grab and kiss on a isolated forest.
What I cannot live with.
My beautiful Fiancee.

I want to tell you, that since that night you told me you just woke up and reply to my message,
I wanted to know about you more, I wanted to know what type of person you were.
Noone in my life can compare to you, nothing in this world can.
When we became girlfriends, I thought it was going to be hard because of so many things.
It is hard in it's own way, but I love it.
Everything about us I have fallen inlove with.
The way we met was unexpected, I didn't know my life would have such a jump.
But since it was a good one i went along with it.

When I met you in that airplane, i was scared to touch you,
because you were finally here, I was scared maybe you wouldn't like me.
My room is not the same without you,
I still can imagine how everything looked when you were here.
Your luggage was on one side, your clock on my table, your charm next to my alarm clock,
your beauty supplies on top of my white table, your coat and dirty clothes inside my closet.
Your wallet, your towel, you were here...
And I'm planning to keep this room the same way you left it.
That's what I want...
When you come back, everything will be the same way you left it,
except the weather...
I miss you... I need you...
What to do?
Tracy, I love you.

A kite that cannot fly.

The dreams that hide inside everyone's hearts are so powerful it can take a whole country by storm.
If only people knew how to show those dreams, I believe everyone would become a God.
The society we live in is mostly dedicated to those who have or create money.
Only those can be the known ones. They have the ability to transfer selfish dreams to others.
My mind is troubled. I keep thinking of solutions to my dreadful life, but the ones i come up with are useless and too vague to come true.
Maybe the best method to get things to work is to do something about it.
"Stand up from this floor, and navigate to the real world. Fight to get what you want." is what I keep telling myself, but something holds me back, the tears of the woman I love, the loneliness i perceive are holding me back. Just the mere thought of me not being near her makes me weak.
If only she was near me, I think I would be stronger.
Now this is the real deal, I must grow up as a person, the only way I can know for sure how strong I am, is to never get defeated by what "i'm supposed" to do.

I'm sitting next to my beautiful notebook Asus known as "Baby Lemon". He really knows how to make a person happy. I keep thinking of what will happen tomorrow, what will happen next year. Lately, I keep thinking of the past, my past relationships, what I did wrong, what I regret.
Of course, I regret many things, but now I feel so good, I feel is good what I did because it let me to my relationship with my wife. No matter how moody or impatient she gets, I still love her, and I will be there to kiss her good night every night until those feelings go away.
Work makes people impatient, because they know tomorrow they will be back into the same place they become impatient.

This is it for today, I can't wait for tomorrow. Life gets better and better when she's around.