My second mom's mother taught me math today! She's a university teacher who retired early, and now she's tutoring me. I'm so happy! I finally understand my lessons!! She makes math so simple it kills me!
While I was being tutored for 2 and a half hours my mom was making Seafood Paella. HOLY SHIT!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! When we all ate it we simply couldn't stop!!! It's something that makes you want to keep going and going... Until you explode like a fish.
Cuando la gente habla hacerca de nosotras me enoja. Siento que me estoy escondiendo de la policia o de un ejercito de comunistas. Detesto pretender algo que no es. Si estamos empesando a conocernos de una manera mas intima, porque tenemos que ocultarlo?
Acaso es un delito? O un crimen que tiene que ser contando a un detective?
Poco a poco mi nobleza se deteriora, y cuando ese poquito que queda termine de deteriorar se acabe... Yo gritare encima de tu cara hasta que mi lengua se destruya.
Estoy arta de tus juegos, yo no me meresco esto.
I am who I am, I live how I want. Noone can change the way I think or feel.
I am the center of my universe. Only me...
January 31, 2011
January 29, 2011
Monotonous Tree
My body is cold
Not even the smallest snowflake will melt.
Walking barefoot through the
icy covered streets
I begin to bleed.
My skin nervous system malfunctions.
My eyes begin to shed tears.
The feeling of loneliness is an opened wound.
No matter how much you walk on ice,
No matter how many times you hit yourself.
You'll be the sun that shines on a glaciar planet.
No matter how hard you try to heat up its lands.
There'll always be nightime to freeze everything up again.
The intencity, the warmth,
Still makes my body bleed.
Passing by a monotonous tree,
I look at its mirror.
I see a shattered soul folded in chains.
Will I be able to walk? Even though I can't
See the chains clawing me to the floor?
As I step away from the tree my left foot breaks.
The puddle of blood surrounding me
makes the snow turn to acid.
I'm burning now.
Kneeling and screaming I am.
My nervous system begins to work again.
I start to feel the striking pain
from my broke foot.
The pain from my bleeding hands.
The weight of these chains on my body.
I'm trapped in a world with no emotions.
The acid is burning my skin.
My troat is gulping your venom
with out regret.
Your venom is sweet and warm.
Even though it's killing me inside,
Even though I'm screaming out of pain,
My body enjoys this mutilation
better than not feeling anything
At all...
(Written 1/26/2011)
In this case... It won't help.
I wonder if i'm being selfish... Probably i'm thinking too much about myself! I can't help it. Sometimes I need to do the things that I want, don't you think?
Today was a fun day because my body was killing me. I worked out for an hour, then went to meet up with my friend to eat sushi and watch a movie afterwords.
I had a very fulfilling time. I learned things about my friend and we laughed and laughed about life and its problems. I saw the movie "No Strings Attached'. It was a very funny and interesting movie. It made me tear up a little bit in the ending... Ahh man! Something I noticed is that i'm kind of similar to Adam when it comes to love. I'm too soft sometimes!
The snow is beginning to get on my nerves... I can't walk and my feet gets full of water whenever i'm running!!!! If i want to get wet or full of snow, i'm going to do it the right way: to get in the fucking snow and f swim inside a mountain of snow.
Alright dude... I'll talk ro toue larwe..
Today was a fun day because my body was killing me. I worked out for an hour, then went to meet up with my friend to eat sushi and watch a movie afterwords.
I had a very fulfilling time. I learned things about my friend and we laughed and laughed about life and its problems. I saw the movie "No Strings Attached'. It was a very funny and interesting movie. It made me tear up a little bit in the ending... Ahh man! Something I noticed is that i'm kind of similar to Adam when it comes to love. I'm too soft sometimes!
The snow is beginning to get on my nerves... I can't walk and my feet gets full of water whenever i'm running!!!! If i want to get wet or full of snow, i'm going to do it the right way: to get in the fucking snow and f swim inside a mountain of snow.
Alright dude... I'll talk ro toue larwe..
January 28, 2011
Bedroom Shadow
I'm ready to end another day. It's amazing how I can decide when to end something and when to begin another.
Today I end my hopes in humanity (Even though I already did a long time ago).
NY's snowstorm was far worse than what I thought it was going to be. The streets were filled with snow, mountains of snow. I have never seen something like this... Is scary.
Each year, winters and summers go from bad to worst... I wonder if this will be the last year of humanity. I wouldn't mind, I would actually agree!
Earth... Get rid of us. We don't deserve your resourcers, space, and genious. We believe in a God, but we want to be bigger than God. We are stupid, ignorant, and not even human.
The only human in us is our bodies. Besides that, nothing else is.
Starting with the way we think.
I have given up! I love this Earth too much, but I don't know what to do. I already tell people not to idle, but that's not going to change.
We are giving a world full of hatred, and pollution to the children that are being born now.
You want to have children so that they can solve our selfishness? Does that even make any sence?
The next generation is really going to hate us. Don't bring children into this world, they'll suffer and suffer because of our mistakes.
Let's try and do something together now!
Today I end my hopes in humanity (Even though I already did a long time ago).
NY's snowstorm was far worse than what I thought it was going to be. The streets were filled with snow, mountains of snow. I have never seen something like this... Is scary.
Each year, winters and summers go from bad to worst... I wonder if this will be the last year of humanity. I wouldn't mind, I would actually agree!
Earth... Get rid of us. We don't deserve your resourcers, space, and genious. We believe in a God, but we want to be bigger than God. We are stupid, ignorant, and not even human.
The only human in us is our bodies. Besides that, nothing else is.
Starting with the way we think.
I have given up! I love this Earth too much, but I don't know what to do. I already tell people not to idle, but that's not going to change.
We are giving a world full of hatred, and pollution to the children that are being born now.
You want to have children so that they can solve our selfishness? Does that even make any sence?
The next generation is really going to hate us. Don't bring children into this world, they'll suffer and suffer because of our mistakes.
Let's try and do something together now!
January 27, 2011
Red sky.
(Playing Moby - Porcelain)
I can't deny the fact that today, January 26th, I decided to be a lazy bum. Yeah! You heard me! Today I changed history, I have stayed home all day doing homework, cooking, and watching movies.
Reason why? Well... I didn't have school because of a big snowstorm going in NY until NOW!
So why not have a lazy day and just chill and do nothing?
Well... There's always something negative... I saw "Social Network" and I didn't feel like going to facebook anymore. Don't ask me why, I just didn't! Don't get me wrong, I congratulate the actors for doing such a good job. Specially the Disney girl, gosh... She was hot! I always thought she was hot...
Besides me being a bum, I decided to take time and practice some trigonometry and use my skills playing in Little Big Planet.
I lost. I'm tired now good night.
I can't deny the fact that today, January 26th, I decided to be a lazy bum. Yeah! You heard me! Today I changed history, I have stayed home all day doing homework, cooking, and watching movies.
Reason why? Well... I didn't have school because of a big snowstorm going in NY until NOW!
So why not have a lazy day and just chill and do nothing?
Well... There's always something negative... I saw "Social Network" and I didn't feel like going to facebook anymore. Don't ask me why, I just didn't! Don't get me wrong, I congratulate the actors for doing such a good job. Specially the Disney girl, gosh... She was hot! I always thought she was hot...
Besides me being a bum, I decided to take time and practice some trigonometry and use my skills playing in Little Big Planet.
I lost. I'm tired now good night.
January 26, 2011
Snow
I live in a dream; in my dream I am the actor, the writer, and the stage crafter.
My dream stays alive until I'm dead.
In my dreams I see people I have never seen, people I have dreamed of, people I haven't seen in years. I can also change the way they feel and fixiate their emotions so they can benefit my mood.
In my dreams I can change history, I can turn green fields into black fields, I can turn my biggest fear into water, even turn you into melancholy.
In my dreams I see hell in a display at a supermarket. I see blue skies and no rain.
If only I could apply my selfishness into this real life i'm stuck in, If only I could!
The world I live in is slowly ending. What do you do when you can't do anything at all?
I'll be very clear about this: When I see snow falling at this velocity I want to push it all back.
I don't want this to end so quickly. I don't want it to keep falling because it'll eventually cover me until I can't breathe anymore.
You are beautiful, but your coldness can kill a whole population slowly, painfully, and quietly.
When you attack, everything turns quiet, nothing moves except you.
You freeze, unfold, and expand in a matter of seconds.
That's what you do.
Hybernation.
What do you do when you can't say a word?
How do you feel when you can't even say "Hello"?
Are we all bound to fear and hate?
When I type on my computer
Everything is dark
My sources and inclinations are visible
by the light that you send me.
Why am I hurt?
When will I learn to live?
When will I learn to cry?
The night is pure again but my hands are not
I fucking hate you.
Your innocence is disgusting me.
Your voice is like lava
As soon as you touch me I melt.
Your affection gives me chills.
Your presence makes me stupid.
That's why I hate you.
That's why I can't stand you.
That's why I want to choke you.
That's why every sentence ends with you.
That's why my eyes are closed.
That's why they are waiting
Until you wake me up again.
Until you remember I exist.
What I am,
And who I am.
How do you feel when you can't even say "Hello"?
Are we all bound to fear and hate?
When I type on my computer
Everything is dark
My sources and inclinations are visible
by the light that you send me.
Why am I hurt?
When will I learn to live?
When will I learn to cry?
The night is pure again but my hands are not
I fucking hate you.
Your innocence is disgusting me.
Your voice is like lava
As soon as you touch me I melt.
Your affection gives me chills.
Your presence makes me stupid.
That's why I hate you.
That's why I can't stand you.
That's why I want to choke you.
That's why every sentence ends with you.
That's why my eyes are closed.
That's why they are waiting
Until you wake me up again.
Until you remember I exist.
What I am,
And who I am.
January 24, 2011
Awakening
I'm going to close my eyes and see my whole day fly through my head.
Waking up at 1o am. I ran downstairs to wake my mom up, my second mom was already gone, and she didn't wanna wake up.
I made myself cheddar cheese bread with yogurt. Yummm!
Then my second mom came with a bag of bagels. She ate breakfast with us tearing up a bit, her father's wake was today, it made me sad because there is really nothing I can do or say that's going to make her happier. I hope my company helped her a bit through these days of grief.
When I went to the wake ceremony I was scared to go inside... I didn't know what I was going to see, or how I was going to react, until I went in.
My second mom's father was in a beautiful wooden casket. I couldn't believe that it was an open casket ceremony. I felt like my body froze, my feelings stopped for a second, and I was in shock.
This was the first time, after I was 5 years old, that I see someone closed to me dead.
I gave my prayers to Mr. Cook and I went directlyto pay my respects to his family.
I stayed there from 2PM-4PM. More than 120 people went to see Mr. Cook, and those were the people who signed the visitor's book. It's insane how many people went to see him... He was very known in BMW.
After the first Wake Ceremony I had to leave with m mom and my neighbor.
Toobad I couldn't stay for tomorrow's Funeral... I really wish to be with mom second mom and keep her company. But I'll give out my prayers.
Restom in peace.
Waking up at 1o am. I ran downstairs to wake my mom up, my second mom was already gone, and she didn't wanna wake up.
I made myself cheddar cheese bread with yogurt. Yummm!
Then my second mom came with a bag of bagels. She ate breakfast with us tearing up a bit, her father's wake was today, it made me sad because there is really nothing I can do or say that's going to make her happier. I hope my company helped her a bit through these days of grief.
When I went to the wake ceremony I was scared to go inside... I didn't know what I was going to see, or how I was going to react, until I went in.
My second mom's father was in a beautiful wooden casket. I couldn't believe that it was an open casket ceremony. I felt like my body froze, my feelings stopped for a second, and I was in shock.
This was the first time, after I was 5 years old, that I see someone closed to me dead.
I gave my prayers to Mr. Cook and I went directlyto pay my respects to his family.
I stayed there from 2PM-4PM. More than 120 people went to see Mr. Cook, and those were the people who signed the visitor's book. It's insane how many people went to see him... He was very known in BMW.
After the first Wake Ceremony I had to leave with m mom and my neighbor.
Toobad I couldn't stay for tomorrow's Funeral... I really wish to be with mom second mom and keep her company. But I'll give out my prayers.
Restom in peace.
January 23, 2011
New Jersey 2
There are things I dislike, and things I love, for example I hate spicy food and I currently love the band Sigur Rus again.
Today I woke up feeling so refreshed. My moms were awake at 8 am so I did too... for a little bit.
I actually woke up, went to pee, and return to bed. Oh yeah... I was still tired.
Woke up at 10:20 ish, headed downstairs to find myself completely alone with my two doggies.
I made cheddar cheese seeduction bread sandwhich. With my favorite cereal 'Peace Cereal Raspberry Ginger". Fuck! That's what I call pure genius. That cereal is the best fucking thing ever, if you don't believe try it yourself.
I ate, and watched the movie "... Vicky Barcelona" I forgot the first word.
The movie is quite interesting. I will ask a girl bluntly to have a passionate night with me one day. Let's see how that works out.
Im getting used to writing in this blog every night before I go to sleep. i feel the need to do so, I want to store my memories somewhere, and that somewhere is here with you : the reader.
After all the eating, I went back to White Plains so thatI can pick up clothes for tomorrow's wake. Tomorrow will be my second mom's dad's ceremony. Im mentally preparing myself for the event of this amazing man. When I say amazing I do mean it.
Eventually, I keep learning new things about Mister Cook every time i go to visit his wife! She has so many stories to share about her marriage and husband.
Anyways, when I went to White Plains I took my running clothes out and headed for a run.
What a peaceful beautiful run I had. It was cold, but it wasn't like... "I'm dying aa aaa"
Nothing like that, my hands were cold and my feet were having a dillema... OH what alife! :D
Holy shitt i'm falling asleep. I once again need boobies on my face,
I have an statement to make... Best way to go to sleep :Watch ponrnn pornnn pornnn
Porn before going to bed = heaven on a pussy platter.
Alright I'm buzzed.
One last thing I wanted to mention.... Kinchleys pizza tonight was fuckign phenomenal. It was like orgasmic food. Specially that pizza with mushrooms omg... Fuck fuck fuck! I want some more.
Take me like an animal and lock me in,
Lock me n with a lion because I wanna feel the excitement and the way he tares me apart.
Today I woke up feeling so refreshed. My moms were awake at 8 am so I did too... for a little bit.
I actually woke up, went to pee, and return to bed. Oh yeah... I was still tired.
Woke up at 10:20 ish, headed downstairs to find myself completely alone with my two doggies.
I made cheddar cheese seeduction bread sandwhich. With my favorite cereal 'Peace Cereal Raspberry Ginger". Fuck! That's what I call pure genius. That cereal is the best fucking thing ever, if you don't believe try it yourself.
I ate, and watched the movie "... Vicky Barcelona" I forgot the first word.
The movie is quite interesting. I will ask a girl bluntly to have a passionate night with me one day. Let's see how that works out.
Im getting used to writing in this blog every night before I go to sleep. i feel the need to do so, I want to store my memories somewhere, and that somewhere is here with you : the reader.
After all the eating, I went back to White Plains so thatI can pick up clothes for tomorrow's wake. Tomorrow will be my second mom's dad's ceremony. Im mentally preparing myself for the event of this amazing man. When I say amazing I do mean it.
Eventually, I keep learning new things about Mister Cook every time i go to visit his wife! She has so many stories to share about her marriage and husband.
Anyways, when I went to White Plains I took my running clothes out and headed for a run.
What a peaceful beautiful run I had. It was cold, but it wasn't like... "I'm dying aa aaa"
Nothing like that, my hands were cold and my feet were having a dillema... OH what alife! :D
Holy shitt i'm falling asleep. I once again need boobies on my face,
I have an statement to make... Best way to go to sleep :Watch ponrnn pornnn pornnn
Porn before going to bed = heaven on a pussy platter.
Alright I'm buzzed.
One last thing I wanted to mention.... Kinchleys pizza tonight was fuckign phenomenal. It was like orgasmic food. Specially that pizza with mushrooms omg... Fuck fuck fuck! I want some more.
Take me like an animal and lock me in,
Lock me n with a lion because I wanna feel the excitement and the way he tares me apart.
January 22, 2011
Weekend
I haven't dream for a while.
Whenever I wake up I don't even have a second to think or react about what's going on or how I feel. I simply react, shake my head, stand up, and start the day. I don't even think twice, or see what's around me. I wonder if everybody does this? Waking up in despair, what a great way to start another day in this wonderful planet I live in.
I'm currently listening to a song that I play whenever I feel lost and small.
It reminds me of my younger days, of my pain, and my brighter beginnings.
Everyday now seems the same to me. I wake up, eat, go to school, come home, eat, exercise, eat, sleep.
I want to add more things into my daily life. I want exciment. I want to do things I haven't done before. I want to meet people, I want people to meet me, I want to make new friends and I want those relationships to grow. Why can't I do this?
My eyes are closing, i'm tired. But I guess that it is better to write before you go to sleep (Pure thoughts).
Today, I went to see my second mom's mom, and she was looking better than I expected. I talked to her, talked to the family and played with the dogs. For some reason, that big house seemed alive and empty. When I turned to see outside the window, an imagine of my second mom's father came into my mind. I saw him sitting there, with his dog on his lap. Now that chair seems cold and empty. It made me sad.
The wake is this Sunday, and the Funeral will be Monday. I wish I can attend both of them, but I need to go to school. It sounds so selfish, but I can't accomplish what I need if I miss school.
I want to thank you, for all the people you have created, for all the people you've made happy. I wish I could have met you in a difference circumstance; but it's impossible now, until we meet again.
I need to lay down... ~
This bed, so many memories, I hate to say this but I feel lonely in such a big bed. I don't know why I keep having mixed feelings. It feels like i'm living a dream where I create memories of something that's not currently true.
In my dream, I make things better, I make my imagination create mementos of happiness. Memories that make me feel alive, remembrances that take me into another dimension.
They are not real. This is not real. So why do I keep replaying the past?
I wanna wait, I feel something good will come out of this dream if I keep waiting.
Still, everything has changed. I feel lonely... Because I am currently lonely.
WE have everything, we wish for everything, and when we do we feel we have nothing.
Oh... I just fell asleep. Hmm... Why the hell am I writing what is passsing through my head? Maybe i'm just special like that.
Fell asleep again... I do think I need to sleep now.
Just one more thing before I go to sleep....
Remember how I said I was tired? Well... I'm currently tired. I was not tired before thanks to the best fucking sushi I've ever eaten, Nagoya... What an amazing place. I ate sushi with sweet potato inside... I thought ita was the weirdest thing ever, but when I put that sushi in my mouth... I felt like life was woth it, Those are the things in life that make you smile.
Whenever I run and I see a runner recognizing me and saying" hi" ! Or going to class to be welcomed by happy people. Coming home, enjoying the sunset after the storm has stopped.
These are things that make me want to go on the next day.
And the biggest reason, is my family.
Good night.
Whenever I wake up I don't even have a second to think or react about what's going on or how I feel. I simply react, shake my head, stand up, and start the day. I don't even think twice, or see what's around me. I wonder if everybody does this? Waking up in despair, what a great way to start another day in this wonderful planet I live in.
I'm currently listening to a song that I play whenever I feel lost and small.
It reminds me of my younger days, of my pain, and my brighter beginnings.
Everyday now seems the same to me. I wake up, eat, go to school, come home, eat, exercise, eat, sleep.
I want to add more things into my daily life. I want exciment. I want to do things I haven't done before. I want to meet people, I want people to meet me, I want to make new friends and I want those relationships to grow. Why can't I do this?
My eyes are closing, i'm tired. But I guess that it is better to write before you go to sleep (Pure thoughts).
Today, I went to see my second mom's mom, and she was looking better than I expected. I talked to her, talked to the family and played with the dogs. For some reason, that big house seemed alive and empty. When I turned to see outside the window, an imagine of my second mom's father came into my mind. I saw him sitting there, with his dog on his lap. Now that chair seems cold and empty. It made me sad.
The wake is this Sunday, and the Funeral will be Monday. I wish I can attend both of them, but I need to go to school. It sounds so selfish, but I can't accomplish what I need if I miss school.
I want to thank you, for all the people you have created, for all the people you've made happy. I wish I could have met you in a difference circumstance; but it's impossible now, until we meet again.
I need to lay down... ~
This bed, so many memories, I hate to say this but I feel lonely in such a big bed. I don't know why I keep having mixed feelings. It feels like i'm living a dream where I create memories of something that's not currently true.
In my dream, I make things better, I make my imagination create mementos of happiness. Memories that make me feel alive, remembrances that take me into another dimension.
They are not real. This is not real. So why do I keep replaying the past?
I wanna wait, I feel something good will come out of this dream if I keep waiting.
Still, everything has changed. I feel lonely... Because I am currently lonely.
WE have everything, we wish for everything, and when we do we feel we have nothing.
Oh... I just fell asleep. Hmm... Why the hell am I writing what is passsing through my head? Maybe i'm just special like that.
Fell asleep again... I do think I need to sleep now.
Just one more thing before I go to sleep....
Remember how I said I was tired? Well... I'm currently tired. I was not tired before thanks to the best fucking sushi I've ever eaten, Nagoya... What an amazing place. I ate sushi with sweet potato inside... I thought ita was the weirdest thing ever, but when I put that sushi in my mouth... I felt like life was woth it, Those are the things in life that make you smile.
Whenever I run and I see a runner recognizing me and saying" hi" ! Or going to class to be welcomed by happy people. Coming home, enjoying the sunset after the storm has stopped.
These are things that make me want to go on the next day.
And the biggest reason, is my family.
Good night.
January 08, 2011
Dreams
If I knew I wasn't going to see her tomorrow...
I would not have slept that night.
I wouldn't have stopped holding her hand all day long.
I wouldn't have stopped kissing her.
I would not have cried.
I would not have helped her leave.
I wouldn't have walked away.
I wouldn't...
I would not have slept that night.
I wouldn't have stopped holding her hand all day long.
I wouldn't have stopped kissing her.
I would not have cried.
I would not have helped her leave.
I wouldn't have walked away.
I wouldn't...
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