Weekend

I haven't dream for a while.
Whenever I wake up I don't even have a second to think or react about what's going on or how I feel. I simply react, shake my head, stand up, and start the day. I don't even think twice, or see what's around me. I wonder if everybody does this? Waking up in despair, what a great way to start another day in this wonderful planet I live in.
I'm currently listening to a song that I play whenever I feel lost and small.
It reminds me of my younger days, of my pain, and my brighter beginnings.
Everyday now seems the same to me. I wake up, eat, go to school, come home, eat, exercise, eat, sleep.
I want to add more things into my daily life. I want exciment. I want to do things I haven't done before. I want to meet people, I want people to meet me, I want to make new friends and I want those relationships to grow. Why can't I do this?
My eyes are closing, i'm tired. But I guess that it is better to write before you go to sleep (Pure thoughts).
Today, I went to see my second mom's mom, and she was looking better than I expected. I talked to her, talked to the family and played with the dogs. For some reason, that big house seemed alive and empty. When I turned to see outside the window, an imagine of my second mom's father came into my mind. I saw him sitting there, with his dog on his lap. Now that chair seems cold and empty. It made me sad.
The wake is this Sunday, and the Funeral will be Monday. I wish I can attend both of them, but I need to go to school. It sounds so selfish, but I can't accomplish what I need if I miss school.
I want to thank you, for all the people you have created, for all the people you've made happy. I wish I could have met you in a difference circumstance; but it's impossible now, until we meet again.
I need to lay down... ~
This bed, so many memories, I hate to say this but I feel lonely in such a big bed. I don't know why I keep having mixed feelings. It feels like i'm living a dream where I create memories of something that's not currently true.
In my dream, I make things better, I make my imagination create mementos of happiness. Memories that make me feel alive, remembrances that take me into another dimension.
They are not real. This is not real. So why do I keep replaying the past?
I wanna wait, I feel something good will come out of this dream if I keep waiting.
Still, everything has changed. I feel lonely... Because I am currently lonely.
WE have everything, we wish for everything, and when we do we feel we have nothing.
Oh... I just fell asleep. Hmm... Why the hell am I writing what is passsing through my head? Maybe i'm just special like that.
Fell asleep again... I do think I need to sleep now.
Just one more thing before I go to sleep....
Remember how I said I was tired? Well... I'm currently tired. I was not tired before thanks to the best fucking sushi I've ever eaten, Nagoya... What an amazing place. I ate sushi with sweet potato inside... I thought ita was the weirdest thing ever, but when I put that sushi in my mouth... I felt like life was woth it, Those are the things in life that make you smile.
Whenever I run and I see a runner recognizing me and saying" hi" ! Or going to class to be welcomed by happy people. Coming home, enjoying the sunset after the storm has stopped.
These are things that make me want to go on the next day.
And the biggest reason, is my family.
Good night.